Let’s Face It, Braces Aren’t That Cool

Why did we all want braces when we were kids?  Seriously!  For some reason, there was little cooler than prancing into school with a fresh line of metal across our teeth.  What’s the deal with that?  Was it because we felt like we were getting older when we got braces?  Was it a sign of maturity?  For me, the coolness wore off pretty quick when I realized how much braces sucked. 

I got my first set of braces when I was in the 4th grade.  I definitely needed them because when I smiled I looked like that dude from Napoleon Dynamite.  I had head-gear, neck-gear, bionators, and retainers all (in my own head) helping me climb the popularity ladder.  Never mind the fact that I could never really eat anything in public because it got stuck right smack dab in the middle of my teeth.  Forget the fact that every time your braces get “tightened” it’s nearly impossible to eat anything cause it’s hurts so good (thanks John Cougar). “Want an Apple?”  No thanks.  “Here, have a Jolly Rancher!”  I wish.  Oh yea, and sorry Mom and Dad for those bills…ouch.

Braces today are still cool…but they still suck.  There are all sorts of options now that we didn’t have when we were kids; color, clear, ceramic, backside mount, etc. Today, they are designed so you don’t have to look like Jaws from the old James Bond movies like I did.  A little nine-year-old girl rollin’ into class with pink teeth is pretty cool, until she tries to eat of course.  I’m pretty sure it won’t be long until our kid’s braces light up in the dark or help with math homework.

So, next time you see a kid with braces, tell them how cool they look…let’s keep this strange infatuation with braces going strong.  And next time you see a kid that doesn’t need braces because their teeth are perfect, make sure you let them know how unfortunate they are. 

We wrote the parody song, “When I’m Big I Want Braces” with all of this in mind.  It’s our ode to this topic.

About Juice Box Heroes

We're 2 dads who take '80s songs and change the lyrics for kids!
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